a prayer

Dear God--

Why are my boobs so small? I am 28 years old.

Thanks!

Peanut Butter!

For the past five years or so I have been eating natural, organic peanut butter which, let's face it, is more like peanut soup! Or, if it's got to be butter, it's like the butter you leave on top of the hot oven to soften and you forget about it and it melts everywhere and later starts a small fire!! So the other day I broke down and I was like THAT'S IT! I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! And I marched up the hill to the regular grocery store and I bought a jar of Skippy, even though I had almost a full jar of organic kind in the fridge. It was so good! I felt a little bad buying it when I already had some. It's not a big deal, though, because I am almost done with the sugary, creamy peanut butter of my youth and I'll be back on the "good" stuff in no time. Plus I get that organic shit for free at work after it's expired.



UPDATE: I brought the Skippy to work (I don't like making PB&J sandwiches in advance because the jelly seeps through the bread and it becomes a disgusting and gelatinous mess and somehow always looks like someone sat on it). I took it out of my bag during lunch and was like "BOOM, bitches! In your faces! Skippy, uuuuh! Skippy! UHHHHH!" like I was Master P and everyone agreed they were very jealous of me. Not just because of my peanut butter but because I am so pretty and smart and funny and popular and skinny! And because of the peanut butter, too.

Reasons Why I Don't Walk to Work #1

The look of relief in people's eyes when they turn around and see it is not a man walking behind them, just a very tall woman.

Music 2 Run 2

I used to hate running. I still don't love it. If running were drowning in a lake, and no one else was around, I would probably have to think about it for a while before I swam out to try and rescue it. So, when I do hit the pavement (or treadmill, it's easier on these old bones), I rely heavily on music to get me through. I don't really care if the song is good, or how I feel about the band (Muse), I just need it to get my feet moving, one in front of the other, and fast. You don't want to fall off a moving treadmill. Trust me. 

Here are 15 songs that are guaranteed to get me over that finish line. 

Help my doggie friends.

These little guys need your help!

Hot but Crazy

  These polaroids convinced me to dye my hair black again. Too bad Sean Young's bone structure can't be found in a bottle, too.