Friday, December 17, 2010

"Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through."
Ira Glass

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Helpful advice!

I am writing this because I care about you. Because you seem like a nice person, and I don't want you to get hurt.

You see, there's been talk. 

Talk about you.

Talk about you and your... announcements. 

Lloyd Christmas can't stand the sound of your voice.

Paging people over a loudspeaker is uncomfortable and kind of embarrassing, but it's part of your job. Throughout your day you may have to alert what seems like hundreds of people that there's a call for them on line one. That sucks. I know it sucks because I've had that job. But you know what else sucks? Is hearing someone make the same announcement what seems like hundreds of times a day with the same phrasing, at the same volume, with the same cadence every single time. It is, in fact, maddening, and will cause otherwise pleasant people to have homicidal ideations starring you and a hot rotisserie poker.

I know you're just doing your job. I know you don't really want to scold people about the patient customer with the salami question. But at a certain point no one actually hears what you're saying because it just sounds like this: 

All I'm saying is, spice it up a little bit. Maybe try some new inflections. Use a silly accent, or pretend you are wearing a hat. What would someone who wears a hat sound like? If you want to follow this Jim Carrey thread, maybe pretend it's your butthole making the announcement. Wouldn't that be fun? I'll bet you'd be less likely to get a baguette beat-down the next time you have to page the bakery six times in a row. 

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Hey, Kentucky: There's already a Theme Park called Noah's Ark. It's in the Wisconsin Dells and I got stuck on a bumper boat there.


Thursday, December 2, 2010

Donald Duck vs. Huey, Dewey & Louie in a Snowball War

I was always so disappointed when I couldn't sculpt the snow the way they do.

I don't "get" these panties.

But I am subjected to them every time I find an excuse to trot down to Union Square and stare at the puppies and kitties in the window of Macy's. 

Victoria's Secret, do the tushy embellishments indicate that, this holiday, you're going to let him putt it in your butt?