I take the money I count the money I count the change back I give the change back. How can I keep messing this up? It makes me feel fucking stupid. Why do I pretend I could do something more complex? That I could handle going back to school? It makes me very depressed.
I used to get good grades. When people told me I was a good writer, I almost believed them.
I was good at bagging groceries, even though that woman accused me of smashing her tomato (a lie).
Maybe it would help a little if customers didn't treat me like an idiot. I know you don't pack frozen food with hot soup, you whore. And this woman today, talking to me as though I were an exasperating two-year-old. She was upset because the bags of ice someone had kindly filled for her to keep her fish and meat cold were LEAKING and the girl said they wouldn't LEAK but FEEL THEM they are WET AND I HAVE TO DRIVE AN HOUR AND I DON'T WANT MY BAG TO GET WET and I said "they are just sweating, ma'am. Like a toilet." And maybe you should buy a fucking thermal bag if improper refrigeration gives you hives. I thought she said she wanted her cheese in with the fish and I asked "You want the cheese with the fish?" and she lost her shit over that. I said, "That's why I asked," because it seemed like a dumb request but here at FOOD STORE we do ANYTHING THE CUSTOMER WANTS with no regard for our personal dignity. Then she got mad because I wasn't going to put the ice on the bottom, WHICH WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE ICE, HELLO!, except I thought maybe having the ice sandwiching the fish and meat items might be better, since there were so many of them quite a few were not even touching the ice when I stacked them all on top. She sighed at me so many times and then I regurgitated those sighs in front of other customers, and I felt bad because I was just frustrated with my fucking life and not them.
But I'll tell you I spent the day with Mark and it feels wonderful to be with someone who treats you like you're worth a damn.