Christmas Spirit 2011

Christmas is already ruined for me this year, because I have heard "Wonderful Christmas Time" 5 times already and it's not even December yet. This is absolutely the worst Christmas song ever and possibly one of the worst songs ever, period. Instead of making me feel cozy and sentimental it conjures visions of Paul McCartney stretched out on a mustard shag carpeting, plucking an electric rubber band. It inspires no feelings of love or charity. Only rage. Blinding, white rage, bright as the north star. 

 Last year I successfully went all season without hearing it once, and I hoped to make that a thing. A thing where I never have to hear that awful song again. But that was ruined on November 22nd, when I attempted to tune into "Love Songs After Dark" on the local cheese-ball radio station and instead got Christmas music. Apparently I couldn't even make it to Thanksgiving this year before hearing that piece of shit song. He can't even fit all the words into his chorus! Simply. Having. Awonderfulchristmastime! And it's not like Paul McCartney doesn't know how to write a song. HE WAS A BEATLE! HE WAS 1/2 OF ONE OF THE GREATEST SONG WRITING TEAMS IN HISTORY! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, PAUL! YOU'RE NOT RINGO! HAVE SOME DIGNITY!

Oh my God, I am so worked up now. The only antidote is to listen to Bing Crosby or this song, which is a perfect example of Christmas cheesy-ness done correctly: 

Now THAT'S a good Christmas pop song. If I had my way Paul McCartney would get a lump of crap in his stocking every single year.