Sunday, October 16, 2011

Dear Pandora,

Since you seem to be ignoring my feedback, I'd like to quickly explain to you why I give a "thumbs down" to a particular song or artist every time they pop up. Why, when I am listening at work, I will snap off my gloves and scramble to unlock my phone or, if I'm up to my elbows in crab meat, will actually use the tip of my nose to skip to the next song, and I hope that you will respect what I'm saying and QUIT PLAYING THESE SONGS.

1. "Earth Angel," The Penguins. This song actually makes me nauseous, for reasons I won't get into. I once began crying in the middle of an ice cream parlour because it came on the radio, and then I couldn't eat my turtle sundae (until I got outside. I mean, of course I still ate it). You seem to enjoy playing every single version ever recorded. You select it off any do-wop compilation, and play the live version, and then you play a cover by The Temptations, too. I DON'T WANT TO THROW UP AT WORK. I WORK WITH FOOD. STOP PLAYING THIS FUCKING SONG!

2. Chuck Berry. I can't enjoy his music because all I can think of is an old man who engages in coprophagia. So, again, with the sickness. Also, all his songs sound the same. Also, did you ever see those clips of him yelling at Keith Richards? Ugh, what a jerk. What a poop-eating jerk.

I hope you understand why I'd like you to respect my choices and eliminate "Earth Angel" and Chuck Berry from your sophisticated algorithm.

Thanks in advance!



  1. Their sophisticated algorithms are stupid. I wish there was a "never play this artist ever again" button for some of their sophisticated guesses of music I want to hear. For instance, any Jazz singer since 1970 not including Harry Connick Jr. I don't wanna hear your saxxy jazz crap Bangs McGee.

  2. I've recently become a Pandora addict! :)

  3. I love listening to it at work (aside from the above issues). What are your favorite channels?