Sunday, July 25, 2010

Idiot Face

It is unbelievable how poorly I photograph. Every once in a while I get a really good one but that is out of 3 million awful shots. Literally 3 million shots of me with no chin, with big black eyes, ravaged. I'm not writing this because I want someone to disagree. I just got a new dress and I took some pictures in it and there were 2 okay photos. TWO!  And it made me so angry.

Who are these photogenic people? I torture myself looking at pictures of girls I don't know, girls I have a mean and secret compulsion to measure myself against, and sometimes think "Whatever. She's not that pretty."

Brooke. Brooke! BROOKE! Yes, she is that pretty. And she takes amazing pictures because she is pretty. She's likely even prettier in real life. And when you find one semi-unflattering image (which is actually not bad at all) among rolls and rolls of evidence to the contrary, this is not proof that you might, in fact, compare.

Anyway, what are you doing, looking at pictures of strangers, sizing them up? How would you feel if someone browsed through every picture you're tagged in on facebook? Can you imagine? There are LOADS of terrible pictures of you there! A stranger might see one and think you are ugly! Yes! Someone could take this nano-second of your life, when you had a bad haircut and your posture was a mess and your chin looks like a little stump, AND THEY WILL DECIDE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! Karma!

It is unfair to the unphotogenic that pictures have become so important. Fucking facebook. You could show up in a picture anywhere, on anyone's internet! Your ex could see it and be glad you broke up. Your current flame could see it and be embarrassed to be listed "in a relationship" with you. Your ex's new sweetheart could see it and laugh at how much prettier/skinnier/awesomer they are than you. That person you were kind of mean to in 9th grade can look you up and bash the shit out of you.


When I was cashiering I saw two women within the span of an hour wearing fake lashes. The fakest fake lashes I have ever seen. They looked like pieces of electrical tape stuck on their lids. I was really confused, because there's no way they could have thought they looked good in real life. The only justification I could think of was facebook.

Do you realize that how we look in pictures is now more important than how we appear in real life? 

For someone almost completely unphotographable, this is bad news.


  1. And certainly the larger point is that I should not be so vain and shouldn't spend so much time on the goddamn internet.

  2. brooke i think you take good pictures! Like, lurking your picture section, i've thought "lookin' good, brooke." i'm remarking on this now, because in fact i just made a facebook comment a couple days about you taking good pictures. this post makes me look stupid. i thought i had good taste! now i read here that you do not in fact take good pictures. what was i thinking!?
    there are loads of unflattering/not pretty pictures of me on facebook. if a stranger sees them, i hope that they are attracted to my obviously glowing/psychotic personality. actually, i hope strangers aren't looking at them because i have a specific privacy mode set-up and i would like it to work. i'm trying to get a job here.
    in closing, robert benchley wrote a lil humorous essay about staring at himself in photographs, and his face in general. you may have read it in college. it's called My Face. i'll end this with a quote i found online from it. "...impersonal fascination not unmixed with awe at Mother Nature's gift for caricature."

  3. I try to bury the bad pictures. I've got a couple I actually like, but they come out of thousands of horrifying shots. Thank goodness for those privacy settings.
    Im not sure if I read that. I will look for it now.
    Thank you for the compliment. :)