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| Could you say no to this? |
Friday, April 13, 2012
Sorry
Working on getting a movie blog off the ground, so I have been neglecting this one. Which is decidedly notnice. But look, I am also working on a movie script and some essays, I work 6 days a week, started writing for a coupon website, and somewhere in there must find time to rub the belly of my puppy. So, I'M SORRY. Once everything is up and running, I'll post more hilarious stories about me eavesdropping in ladies' bathrooms.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
I'm Just a Juggalo...
And everywhere I go
People know the part I'm playin'
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| Bossey bossey bop... ditty bop |
Friday, February 10, 2012
The Brooke Show
Sometimes I like to imagine what the opening titles would look like if my life were a sitcom. Probably called Brooke! because I can't think of something more creative and I think I have enough star power to get people to watch on my name alone, like The Mary Tyler Moore Show. If I still lived in Chicago I could call it Brooke on Ice! because it is cold.
I know a couple things about my Opening Titles. I've picked the theme song, which is probably the most important step. It is by a little Bay Area band called Huey Lewis and The News:
Isn't it perfect for a sitcom? Now imagine, during those opening notes, you are seeing beautiful downtown San Francisco from the inside of a car driving across the Bay Bridge. That is the first scene. When I drove out here, a 2 1/2 day trip all by myself, I was gazing at the view as I crossed into the city for the first time, and I thought "Goddamnit why don't I have a film crew for this?" Oh, have I mentioned I can be a touch self-absorbed?
I actually haven't figured out much beyond the opening scene. I've looked at the titles for The MTM Show and That Girl and Laverne & Shirley for inspiration. Probably just scenes from my life as a single gal trying to make it in the big city. Painting a room. Falling out of windows. Maybe me walking around texting on my phone and almost getting run over by a MUNI bus. I would like to do the thing when it says "Starring Brooke!" and I act like I'm surprised by the camera and then I smile over my shoulder. I would also like Peanut to have the honor of being introduced at the end, like Dame Judy Dench.
If you are interested in helping me film the opening titles to my non-existent sitcom, or would like to appear as a kooky neighbor or bad date so I can pour a glass of water over your head, please contact me immediately. If you do a good job you could even get your own spin-off, though I have it on good authority Peanut is already in talks with the network for her own show. Huey Lewis h8ers need not apply.
I know a couple things about my Opening Titles. I've picked the theme song, which is probably the most important step. It is by a little Bay Area band called Huey Lewis and The News:
Isn't it perfect for a sitcom? Now imagine, during those opening notes, you are seeing beautiful downtown San Francisco from the inside of a car driving across the Bay Bridge. That is the first scene. When I drove out here, a 2 1/2 day trip all by myself, I was gazing at the view as I crossed into the city for the first time, and I thought "Goddamnit why don't I have a film crew for this?" Oh, have I mentioned I can be a touch self-absorbed?
I actually haven't figured out much beyond the opening scene. I've looked at the titles for The MTM Show and That Girl and Laverne & Shirley for inspiration. Probably just scenes from my life as a single gal trying to make it in the big city. Painting a room. Falling out of windows. Maybe me walking around texting on my phone and almost getting run over by a MUNI bus. I would like to do the thing when it says "Starring Brooke!" and I act like I'm surprised by the camera and then I smile over my shoulder. I would also like Peanut to have the honor of being introduced at the end, like Dame Judy Dench.
If you are interested in helping me film the opening titles to my non-existent sitcom, or would like to appear as a kooky neighbor or bad date so I can pour a glass of water over your head, please contact me immediately. If you do a good job you could even get your own spin-off, though I have it on good authority Peanut is already in talks with the network for her own show. Huey Lewis h8ers need not apply.
What about you? What would you choose for your sitcom theme music?
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Overheard in the ladies room after seeing "Shame"
Lady 1: That was so good! Oh my god I loved it. Did you love it?
Lady 2: I loved it!
L1: You know who would really love it?
L2: Who?
L1: Matthew!
L2: Oh yeah, he would just love it.
L1: You know who that guy reminded me of? John Hamm.
L2: Huh?
L1: You know, the guy from Mad Men? Don Draper? Can you pass me some toilet paper, this stall is all out.
L2: Sure, hon.... I don't know, I don't really see it. He is very handsome, though.
L1: Oh yes, he's VERY handsome.
L2: VERY handsome! I probably would have had sex with him too, ha ha!
L1: Nooo. You wouldn't!!!
L2: No, I wouldn't. He looks pretty old, though. He's supposed to be like 37 but he looks 47!
L1: Still, he's very good-looking.
L2: Oh yes, VERY good-looking!
Me: Is his penis huge or what?!
L2 & L2: [Silence. Then toilets flushing. Then quick footsteps.]
Me: You forgot to wash your haaaaaands!!
Lady 2: I loved it!
L1: You know who would really love it?
L2: Who?
L1: Matthew!
L2: Oh yeah, he would just love it.
L1: You know who that guy reminded me of? John Hamm.
L2: Huh?
L1: You know, the guy from Mad Men? Don Draper? Can you pass me some toilet paper, this stall is all out.
L2: Sure, hon.... I don't know, I don't really see it. He is very handsome, though.
L1: Oh yes, he's VERY handsome.
L2: VERY handsome! I probably would have had sex with him too, ha ha!
L1: Nooo. You wouldn't!!!
L2: No, I wouldn't. He looks pretty old, though. He's supposed to be like 37 but he looks 47!
L1: Still, he's very good-looking.
L2: Oh yes, VERY good-looking!
Me: Is his penis huge or what?!
L2 & L2: [Silence. Then toilets flushing. Then quick footsteps.]
Me: You forgot to wash your haaaaaands!!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Grown-Ass Lady
I got all dressed up for New Year's Eve in a 40's style dress, and I really liked it. "I should dress like this all the time," I thought. "I should stop wearing t-shirts and jeans and Chuck Taylors all the time everywhere and start dressing like a grown-ass lady."
Then I realized how much effort that would take and decided to keep dressing like a 19-year-old.
Then I realized how much effort that would take and decided to keep dressing like a 19-year-old.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Nice/NotNice 2011 Round-Up!
After careful consideration, I think the best thing of 2011 was the discovery of Tonetta!
Warning: Please only watch if you want your life to change drastically in a little over 3 minutes.
Actually, "Drugs Drugs Drugs" is kind of good...
Warning: Please only watch if you want your life to change drastically in a little over 3 minutes.
Actually, "Drugs Drugs Drugs" is kind of good...
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